smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
