thus making me awesome and them whores
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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