I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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