She is in my trunk
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
