i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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