Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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