They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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