Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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