they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
