Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
