i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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