some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
