Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hippo gnu deer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
