Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
