I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
