Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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