i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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