What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
