Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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