It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
