Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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