it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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