I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
