drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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