I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
