Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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