I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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