when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
