she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize