i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
