my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
