She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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