sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
