Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i would punch a child for taco bell
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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