while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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