My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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