Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Randomize
