I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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