Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
