I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
