I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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