I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
