Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
