worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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