were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
