Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
