Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
