Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
