My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
