its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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