Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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