Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
