If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
