so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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