If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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