Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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