I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
