I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we're making bets on your personal life
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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