the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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