Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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