I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
