He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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