cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
