chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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