Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize