Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
