I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
