You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize