i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
