last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's always time for handjobs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
