Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
