if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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