i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
