I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Congratulations! We have a period
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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