I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
