i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
