just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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