His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
